We are constantly looking without when all we truly need is within.
For all of my life I put a lot of attention on the external world. In some form or another I was always wanting the better this or more of that . . . if only . . . I will feel better if . . .if I acquire that . . . look like that . . my belly was flatter . . . straight hair . . .I made more money . . had more possessions . . .had a bigger apartment . . .you get it . . . fill in your own . . if I . . . . . . .
I did attain those “things” (even straight hair) and unbeknownst to me I did not feel any better. Yes for a moment or two there was a moment of joy, a relief of sort even a ahhhhh but it was false since directed by my will and I found myself sadder than and was willing to understand and experiment what will bring me peace.
In 2008, I left my awesome job in commodities and have been on what I call my life’s adventure. In 2009. I began my teaching of Yoga and sharing my experiences in a bigger and more useful way What has happened to me lately is not something I would have ever imagined. Through my Yoga practice and my A.A. program I have found god. . . creator or you may call it . . . higher power, goddess, source, fairees, higher being, jesus, divine being, higher self, the great spirit (what do you call it?).
I am no longer dependent on someone or something for my joy. It is god I go to first. I pray and meditate everyday, I spend time quieting my mind by using pranayama and asana practice, as well as doing 12-step work and being of service to others on and off the mat. I am teachable by all and look at everything as it is not being done to me but giving me an opportunity to learn, to grow, to deepen, to expand. My life is always in transition, changes are constantly present, I no longer resist what is. There are always feelings of pain, disappointment, frustration, and anger and of course the flip side, deliciousness, innocence, bliss and greatness. No more is there the duality.
Sharing Smiles, Love, Light & Blessings,
In reverence to my dear teachers, students, mentors, sponsers, AA’ers, spiritual sisters and brothers, I am in awe of your guidance.